i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
my mouth tastes like poor choices
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
