He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
