this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
