I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
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