stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
