How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
