so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
We are two peas in an std pod
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize