so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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