I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
They took my balls.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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