And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
You were trust falling into bushes
I said "one day" and that day is not today
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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