did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Randomize
