It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
