Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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