I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
