The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize