She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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