Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
