my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Randomize
