I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
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