I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
