I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
