I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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