Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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