I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
cat food counts as protein by the way
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
