omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
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