Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
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