Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
