I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
