I have demons in me.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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