I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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