I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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