I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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