Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Randomize
