Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
