his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
