well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
17 year olds will be the death of me.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
