i just wanna soil my oats bro
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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