distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
