Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
