all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
