Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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