So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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