His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
