Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
