what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We were destined to go to rehab together
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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