That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
