Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just cut my nipple shaving
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
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