I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
