morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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