I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
