Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm sobbing to NWA
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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