apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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