Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Randomize
