Even the bartender felt bad for me
Life is so much better after having sex.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
Randomize
