ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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