Don't EVER smell your tampon
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
