I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize