After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
