So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
