fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
