Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
May the power of my ass compel you!!
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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