I need help removing her.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
this hospital has no fireball
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Randomize
