Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Randomize
