yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
