I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
You are a genius and a whore.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
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