You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
