your thong is hanging out like whoa
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
They have beer where we have blood.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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